Before I became a mother, I had some ideas about children and their education. I believed that learning is not confined to reading, writing and arithmetic (or other subjects) which is a very small part of what all we learn as we live and grow. I believed, learning is inevitable and is inherent part of being alive. We learn about ourselves through our relationship with our parents, with others, with everything we do or don’t do and through our engagement with life. Learning starts from the moment the child is born if not before and happens throughout our life. But these were all ideas till the time I became a mother.
When I became a mother, I realized how precious children are. They are so original, authentic, spontaneous and free spirited in their own being. They engage with themselves, others and their surroundings without any pretence fearlessly in the true spirit of exploration. I experienced every moment of my life with him that he was a complete individual like a bud. I saw him blossoming into a beautiful flower. All he needed to unfold into his own being was a space which provided him love, acceptance and freedom. Slowly, it started dawning on me, soon he would be three and it would be time to send him to school. Then he would have to fit into the expectations of the system.
I remember, my husband, Vishv said once that there was no need to send our children to school at least till they were five years but I was not sure if that was a possibility. However, as he was reaching three years, I was becoming more and more anxious. Just felt that once in school, he would have to leave his spontaneity and authenticity behind in order to cope with the needs of a classroom situation. He would need to always gauge what was expected of him and then come upto those expectations. This meant he would lose connection with himself to suit other people’s needs. And if he dared enough to stand for himself, he would be labelled with all kinds of titles and treated accordingly unless he gave in or became a rebel. In either case he would lose compassion for himself, for others and for life. This was a very disquieting thought.
These fears became true in the very first week of his going to school. He was a very active, curious child who was always engaged with one thig or the other. Within first few days, he stopped all his activity. He started worrying because his teacher asked him why had he not yet learned to write certain letters of the alphabet. It really struck me that instead of enjoying what all he engaged with and could do, he was being told what all he couldn’t do and made to feel inadequate about it. Singing those rhymes in the morning as a ritual didn’t make any sense to him. Waiting to be told whether to stand up or sit, whether to talk or stay quiet was beyond his comprehension. If left in this kind of environment where he was always negated, soon he would start finding ways of seeking approval and acceptance. He would lose faith in who he was. By the end of second week, I was thinking of discontinuing to send him to school.
I wanted my children to stay in charge of their lives. I wanted a learning environment that encouraged development of children according to their natural rhythm and their originality. Not the one that snubbed their sense of being. That very weekend, I came across another pre-school set up in the neighbour-hood managed by the same management. I went to visit this place and was so delighted to see it. It was like my vision put into practice. So, my son went there and I also started volunteering. This pre-school in Kochi was just an extension of home.
Our older son went to that school till it was time for us to get transferred. I was again getting worried about what next. Once we would move out of Kochi, then again we would have to send our children to main stream and all the worries came back. What if we didn’t send both our sons to school? What would be the implications of such an action as they grew older? Around this time, as I was struggling with these questions, I came across an article on homeschooling. Aha! If it can be done, then it can be done. It was then and there I decided once we would get transferred out of Kochi, we would not send our children to school.
We got transferred to Assam when our older son was seven and younger one was two and a half years. When we shifted to Assam, we didn’t look for a school for our children. We planned and continued with growing and learning together at home.